Catch Me, I'm Falling
by T-man626
Summary: Sam realizes that she's fallen for Colonel O'Neill, and there's nothing she can do about it.
1. Catch me, I'm Falling

**Author's Note: **This can be seen as a companion piece to "The Break" and "A Kiss is a Terrible Thing to Waste", although it's not necessary to read those first. This will eventually be a two-shot. The title and quote at the beginning of this chapter come from the song of the same name from the musical "Next to Normal".

* * *

"Catch me, I'm falling  
Please hear me calling  
Catch me I'm falling for good."

Every once in a while, Sam just wanted to scream.

Like now, for instance.

It'd been bad enough when she'd attempted to "mate with the Colonel by force", as Janet had put it, when she'd been infected by the Touched virus mere weeks after the Stargate program began in earnest. Okay, at the time she'd thought the Colonel was attractive, but had been too wrapped up in her feministic perspectives to allow herself to feel anything more.

Then there'd been the time they'd been trapped down in Antarctica together, the mission to destroy Apophis's ships, her possession by the Tok'ra Jolinar, his shoulder getting speared by the alien time capsule, their capture by Hathor… With every trial they faced, she couldn't help getting closer to him. Granted, she also became closer to Daniel and Teal'c; both became more brothers to her than her own brother had ever been. She'd kept telling herself that her bond with the Colonel was the same, that she saw him as yet another family member, and some days she almost believed it, particularly when the Colonel pouted (yes, the man _pouted_) if he didn't get his way or some explanation sailed right over his head.

Then two things had happened. Dr. Carter showed up, and the Colonel kissed her. Then the Colonel was trapped on Edora for over three months.

As she worked around the clock to build the particle beam generator necessary to access the Edoran Stargate again, Sam realized that at some point in the last two and a half years, she'd fallen in love with her CO. While this realization was scream-worthy in and of itself, Sam could barely contain herself when Janet asked her if she missed him. She'd manage to convince her friend that no such feelings existed, although she wasn't sure that Janet bought it. It didn't matter too much, anyway, as when they'd finally rescued the colonel she discovered that he'd entered a relationship with Laira. Thinking back, Sam could remember with exact detail the sinking sensation in her stomach when she'd learned this, because it was the same feeling she experienced some months later during the whole za'tarc fiasco. The happiness that she'd felt at knowing that the Colonel felt the same way about her was overshadowed by the fact that Teal'c and Janet had witnessed the whole thing. Thankfully, Janet never mentioned it, and neither did Teal'c.

The problem was, that, despite the regs, and despite their promise to one another to "leave it in the room", Sam continued to fall more in love with the Colonel. She had a sneaking suspicion that he also continued to feel the same about her; he'd certainly been smirking widely enough about _something_ following the three months they'd spent in a time loop, and then there was the closeness they'd developed as Thera and Jonah.

Then Daniel had died.

Okay, so technically he'd ascended to a "higher plane of existence". It didn't make much difference to Sam, though, because either way it meant that he was gone. With his death, the Colonel had shut down emotionally, retreating into himself and keeping Sam and Teal'c at arm's length. Between that and Teal'c's own stoicism, Sam felt at a loss for how to grieve for her friend. She and Janet spent some time talking about it, but she flat out refused to talk to MacKenzie.

Things got a little better once Jonas joined them. The full mission roster meant that Sam was able to focus her energies once more on new technologies, and Jonas, while not a substitute for Daniel, helped to fill the void by acting as a sounding board for Sam. The Colonel started to come back out of his shell a little, and Sam realized that, even though she was angry at him for withdrawing, she still loved him.

That realization only made the current situation that much harder to bear. The Colonel and Maybourne had disappeared, and it was her fault. They'd been gone for almost two weeks, and she was no closer to finding them than she'd been right after they'd vanished. As she'd told Teal'c, it felt like they'd lost Daniel all over again. And she still felt like she wanted to scream.

Part of her, the part that wasn't preoccupied with still searching or mourning, wondered if she'd feel this bad if she hadn't fallen for her CO. Not that she could have prevented it, but she still wished that someone would catch her before she fell too far.

Catch Me, I'm Falling


	2. Reprise

**Author's Note: **Thanks to all who've reviewed! Once again, the quote is from "Next to Normal".

* * *

"Watch me I'm falling  
Maybe the falling  
Isn't so bad after all."

Sam sat on the dock at Jack's cabin, fishing rod balanced across her knees. The quiet of the place, the stillness, was just what she needed after the insane week she'd had. Her eyes slid over to the figure sitting next to her on the dock, and she suppressed a snort of laughter. Jack—wow, it was weird to think of him like that and not be worried about it—Jack had fallen asleep. He was slouched in the chair, his chin resting on his chest, the fishing pole held loosely in his relaxed hands.

The very fact that she could sit here and watch him sleep like this was something of a miracle, especially given all that had happened in the last two years or so. Her genes had been tampered with by Nirrti, Daniel had come back to them, Anubis had started mass-producing his Kull warriors, she'd been stuck by herself on the Prometheus in the middle of space, Janet died, Anubis had attacked Earth, Jack got his head stuck in another Ancient device and spent three months in stasis, Fifth captured her, Jack received a promotion to Brigadier General and took over the SGC….Sam smiled at that last memory. She had greatly enjoyed Jack's speech, especially his line about being able to "do really cool stuff like this". At the time, she'd been stunned speechless by her promotion, but as she looked back, she could smile at the pride, love, and respect she'd seen in Jack's eyes that day. Unfortunately, it was one of the last times she'd seen that look, as he began to distance himself from her shortly thereafter. On the one hand, she understood why he'd done it: it wouldn't have taken much for someone to start a rumor that she'd been promoted because she'd slept with the base CO. On the other hand, it ate away at her, a constant ache in her stomach. She missed the closeness they'd had as CO and 2IC of SG-1, she missed the laughs they'd shared at team nights, and she missed his hugs. Granted, they'd never been a daily occurrence in the first place, but now that Jack was in charge of the whole base it was nothing the few that she'd gotten were relegated to her memories, with no real chance of any additions.

Maybe that was why she'd started seeing Pete again.

Granted, she did enjoy his company, but she'd been less than impressed when he'd followed her on a mission, and severely ticked off when she discovered he'd run a background check on her. But he'd seemed genuinely apologetic, and he hadn't been intimidated when he discovered what she actually did; in fact, she had to constantly remind him that "top secret" meant just that because he was forever asking her how work was.

Besides, he was someone to come home to. Oh, they hadn't been living together, but there were nights where she'd just go to his place, or would call him as she was leaving the mountain and he'd meet her at hers. The mere fact that he was there, was willing and able to give her food, a shoulder to rest on, hugs, kisses, or other physical comfort meant a lot to her. He was so sweet, and whenever she was with him she would push her feelings for Jack to the back of her mind and feel guilty for even thinking about Jack when Pete was right there.

It had come as something of a shock when Pete had proposed, but Sam tried to tell herself that her uncertainty was natural. She'd tried to find out Jack's opinion of course, but he'd been deliberately dense about the whole thing. So she took a deep breath and said "yes" to Pete.

As the months went by, however, she began to seriously doubt her choice. It was hard to talk to Pete about wedding arrangements when her Replicator twin had just tried to take over the galaxy, or when the _Prometheus_ went missing with both Daniel and General Hammond on it. Her doubts only became more persistent after Pete met her father; it was obvious Jacob hadn't liked him, and, contrary to Jacob's assertions otherwise, Sam was pretty sure Selmak hadn't liked Pete, either. Even on his deathbed, Jacob had been adamant about Sam making sure she was happy.

She'd done some hard thinking as she watched her dad die, and all of it seemed to point to one thing: marrying Pete was a bad idea. As if to drive the point home, she realized that she'd never felt so safe and loved as she had as when Jack put his arm around her in the observation room above her father's bed.

So she'd broken it off. Pete had been hurt, and she couldn't deny that his anger and disappointment hurt her. But she'd also felt a huge weight lift from her chest, a weight that she hadn't realized she'd been carrying. When Jack offered for her to accompany him to his cabin on a fishing trip, she couldn't help but smile as she finally said yes. Spending time with Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c was exactly what she needed right now, and she planned to enjoy every moment of it.

And if she fell more deeply in love with Jack? Well, she reflected as she continued to watch him sleep, this type of falling couldn't be all that bad then, could it?


End file.
